Tuesday, 24 April 2012

The Second Check-Point

Running...it seems I never stop doing that one simple thing. Honestly, you would think that someone like me would have stayed put, finally in the perfect spot, no longer alone.

Strangely enough, being alone was all I wanted.

As I hit the strip, where my story started, I finally slowed my pace. The rain poured down, soaking me to the bone and I sat and watched all the happy couples, arms linked and so close to each other they could have been one person. I wondered absentmindedly if they knew that their world wasn't truly theirs to control. That there are monsters that go bump in the night like your parents told you in stories, and they are 100% real. No one really cares to notice that shadow in the corner of their eye however.

I tried to clear my head, hoping that the bright lights of the strip would clear away the darkness that was locked in my mind. The negativity that if I let spread would swallow me whole once again and plunge me back into that world of despair that I had no interest in revisiting. I wiped the rain off my face, for the first time feeling the chill that penetrated my being, bringing me back to the realization that what ever I had seen, where ever I had been, the true me was locked away somewhere I didn't really want to bring myself back to.

The real me would always be the street child, avoiding the officers that were looking for me to bring me back to another home. Always starving by myself, doing anything to scrounge up the few dollars to get something that wasn't in the trashcans for a meal. The kid who fought his hardest against his unfortunate circumstances to get where he was now. I was a survivor, nothing more, nothing less. So in this tricky situation, where once again my life hung in the balance, I decided that I would do anything.

Anything to Survive.

Anything to Push Forward

Anything to Live

I spun, turning my back on the happiness and brightness of the road of deep sin and greed, the symbol of my past, and walked back towards my apartment. I had a feeling that I would be coming back many times to think and put everything that I learned about myself and this new world order into perspective. I wouldn't let this stop my life, I wouldn't give in...would I?

Every step closer to my dorm room I doubted myself , doubted my choices, but once I picked a path I could not stray. If I had to fight, I would fight. If I had to run, I would run, and if I had to stay put? Well I would take my normal spot among society and wait for my turn to have my battle with the monsters of the shadows and the night. I knew for certain however that this was my fight alone, that if I involved anyone else they would suffer for my follies, and I would suffer for theirs...at least at first those were my thoughts. As you know things change over time, and I am no exception to that rule.

As I got back to my room I knew that something was wrong. The door was partially open, and the light of my computer shone from inside. First of all, I would have never left my room open, even in total fear. Second, the computer would have normally been gone...you come to expect that if you leave your room unlocked and unattended. Carefully I let my hand fall on the doorknob, taking a deep breath and forcing the door open.

What I found was nothing but a torn apart room, my clothes thrown around, everything all over the floor. Drawers flung open, things on shelves knocked over. A grotesque photo was opened on my computer, and I cringed quickly closing the page. My jaw fell open as I noticed something reflected in the screen of my monitor. I quickly turned, taking in the giant red words on the wall, glaring at me. I knew this was a warning.


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